I Welcome Our New Robot Overlords

I have a moment to sit down and write type a blog post this morning because my children are currently being rocked to sleep by their robot nannies (a swing and a rock-n-play). Thank goodness for robots, you know what I mean? They are also fed with the help of a robotic milk-extraction device and, all the while, their mother’s life-blood is kept flowing by a robot barista. Where would I be without all this technology?

E and L will be two months old in a few days, much to my great disbelief. Feeding and caring for them has become a relatively smooth routine, with of course its own challenges. Trying to console a screaming baby when you can’t pick him up because you are strapped to a breast pump, for example, is a far-too-frequent occurrence around here. Waking a peacefully sleeping baby for a meal just because his/her sibling has decided it’s time to eat is another. On the whole, though, they are fed and clean and mostly happy, as are we all.

Stepping up our game today with pants AND hoodies. (Onesies say "twins" on them, made by friends at our baby shower.)

Eleanor's pants have ruffles on the butt, because why not.

(Seriously, though, these babies are SO FANTASTIC)

I could use a little improvement in the “clean” part of that equation, however. Trying to remember when my last shower was and I know for sure it wasn’t yesterday. Was it the day before? I hope? One specific piece of advice my OB gave me in the hospital the day she discharged me was “take a shower every day.” I have massively failed in this directive. When I’m home alone with the twins, if they both happen to be sleeping at the same time, it’s likely I’ll need to eat, wash bottles, or do something with the laundry. By the time I’ve done that, they’ll wake up and need me — no time to shower. Last time I showered when I was home alone, L woke up screaming inconsolably while I was mid-shampoo. I barely got rinsed off, so anxious was I that he was screaming like that and I couldn’t even see him. Why am I not showering now, you ask, when both babies are asleep in their electric rocking machines? Because we are in the living room and I don’t feel comfortable leaving them here in these devices unattended while I shower at the other end of the house, out of earshot. So. I am unclean.

Another thing I can’t seem to make time for is exercise. I’ve been trying to go out for walks/runs every now and then, which has been great. This relies on my husband being home during daylight hours, though, which only reliably happens on the weekends. By the time he gets home, it’s time for one of us to be cooking dinner while the other one watches the babies, then we eat, feed the babies, and everyone goes to bed. When will I have time for basics like showering and exercising? Soon, I hope, or I’m going to lose it a little bit. It’s really too bad there aren’t robots to shower and exercise me while I do other things. At least I can count on the days soon getting longer (the better to run outdoors in the evening) and warmer (the better to take the babies with me on walks).

In other news, I am trying out some of the different types of cloth diapers we have now that the babies are big enough (or, more accurately, now that at least E’s legs are big enough — L is still a little too skinny for them to fit right). So far, of course, the ones that seem to work best are the most expensive. Damn you, BumGenius.

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2 thoughts on “I Welcome Our New Robot Overlords

  1. brunbec123 February 2, 2016 / 9:21 pm

    OMG with the pumping/screaming baby! I kid you not–I am reading this while pumping (because pump time Is also my online time), and IMB is having a baby meltdown across the room. Never mind that he is being cared for by another highly competent adult. But at a certain time of night, he demands me, and this is it! (I hate it that he cries, but I secretly love it that he prefers me, especially since the dog has completely thrown me over for mom.)

    Seriously, though, if I could figure out how to pump and wear the baby at the same time, I’d have it made.

    • ravelingoutko February 5, 2016 / 4:16 pm

      Someone needs to invent a hands-free online bra/carrier combo. Actually, when we can wear them on our backs, that would work!

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