Cleaning House

I am writing this post from one of the comfortable fake Adirondack chairs on my patio. It is quite nice indeed to be enjoying the spring-like weather, complete with twittering birds and gentle breezes, but that’s not why I’m out here. The covers for my futon and throw pillows, my sheets, and my duvet cover are all in the laundry right now, so I essentially have nowhere to sit inside the house.

I decided that today would be the day I washed and vaccumed everything that had been previously infiltrated with little white dog hairs from Will’s two dogs, or with the essence of the man himself. We split up. He was cheating on me.

I have been wondering what and how much I wanted to say about it here, and I’m still not really sure. For the moment, here’s this: Over the past few months I’d gotten the sense that something wasn’t right; that he was keeping things from me. There were a lot of little deceptions that, on their own, seemed either like misunderstandings or white lies, but, taken together, made me suspicious. In the end, I managed to confirm that on several occasions (since January at least) he’d been with another woman and lied about it. He of course says “nothing happened” and he didn’t tell me the truth because he “didn’t want to raise any concerns.” Isn’t that thoughtful of him?

At any rate, I ended things quickly and cleanly once I knew the truth. I’m still really furious about it, though. I’m mad that he treated me that way, that he thought it was okay to do so, that he thought he wouldn’t get caught, that it went on for months. I’m mad that I doubted my own instincts when I wasn’t sure and that I started thinking maybe the problem was me; maybe I had trust issues. I’m also furious that he didn’t even try to come up with a decent excuse, or ask me to forgive him, or even apologize. He just sat there, staring at me, dumbfoundedly trying to form a sentence. So mad.

So that’s where I am right now. I’ve been hanging out with my girl friends, drinking a good bit of wine, listening to Ani Difranco, and engaging in some of the leisure pursuits that fell by the wayside during our relationship, such as bedtime reading and very healthy cooking.

[74/366] Healthy Dinner

I took a certain delight in the above meal, something I never could have tried to serve him for dinner unless I wanted to be laughed out of town. Baked tofu and quinoa on a bed of raw spinach? Yes please. I’m sure healthy living is somehow even better than revenge. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

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22 thoughts on “Cleaning House

  1. LizScott March 16, 2012 / 2:19 pm

    I completely support you in all things, most notably in your current pastimes: good cooking, cleaning, and Ani DiFranco. Her Living in Clip album really amps up the inherent rage in all the songs, may I suggest it?

    I wish we lived closer as I would TOTALLY come over and cook with you and drink bottle(s) of wine with you and then depart so we could both read our books.

    I’ve been there and it’s… ragey. And horrible, because what can you do? You cannot DO anything besides what you’ve done, and doing it doesn’t stop the rage. GRAH.

    GRAH!

    • KO March 16, 2012 / 2:48 pm

      Oh my gosh, EXACTLY. Like, I keep wanting to send him angry messages or call him up and yell at him some more but I can’t because I am just DONE. But still pissed off, apparently.

      And you are right on with your musical suggestions: Living in Clip was the first album I went to when I knew I needed it. Perfect choice.

      Also, GRAAAHHHH

  2. Kristen March 16, 2012 / 3:28 pm

    I would like to get in on this wine drinking, book reading party you and Liz are having. Since you have the Ani covered, I’ll offer up the musical stylings of Kate Nash, who has a lot of excellent breakup songs.

    Thinking of you and hoping Egon is giving you a proper amount of snuggling!

    • KO March 16, 2012 / 4:05 pm

      This is going to be an awesome wine and music and books party. Maybe we can get a sponsor and make it a Twitter Party. Obviously we will need a hashtag and a Twibbon.

      (But seriously, an actual party would be SO FUN.)

      I am off to check out Kate Nash on Spotify…

  3. Holly March 16, 2012 / 5:44 pm

    OH. MY. GOD.

    I just audibly gasped and then my work neighbor just popped over the cubicle and said “Is everything alright?”

    No everything is not alright, kind sir my friend IN THE COMPUTER was apparently date a giant piece of $hit! Actually I just said “Oh, sorry…silly email. As you were.”

    Man, that is the pits. But it sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. And man that tofu looks BOMB! Not gonna lie. You always take such great pics. I was thinking that with your vacay post the other day but I was reading it in bed on my iphone and it’s always so damn hard to comment from there and waaaaaaaaaaah! my diamond shoes are too tight and my money clip too small and I have all of these things to complain about! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Anyway…I’m sorry friend! Please drink all of the wine. You deserve it!

    • KO March 16, 2012 / 7:06 pm

      Thanks for the support, friend. Your response is cracking me up, too, with you gasping in your cubicle over there and everything!

      And yeah, my dinner was in fact the bomb. Tonight I made miso soup with chewy tofu and udon. It was also the bomb. I am going Unapologetically Vegan in my home cooking and loving NOT compromising — ironically after I just posted about how to eat with an omnivore :-/

  4. Haley March 16, 2012 / 9:06 pm

    Oh, the RAGE. How dare he! I can’t believe adult men are that big of pieces of shit. (I know you’re all into words and such, but that seems the appropriate choice here)
    Just…wow. I’m so sorry. You eat your amazing food and let him lead an unhealthy, unsatisfied existence.

    • KO March 16, 2012 / 9:30 pm

      Thanks. I do not object at all to your choice of words!

  5. Ashley March 16, 2012 / 11:03 pm

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but I have to say I think you are really amazing for handling things so well! You are one tough cookie and you are making such good choices. Re-embracing the parts of your life that are good for you is the best reaction to have. You rock!

    • KO March 17, 2012 / 11:26 am

      Aw, thank you for the kind words.

  6. Alexis March 16, 2012 / 11:51 pm

    This experience you are talking about is in the genre of my number one least favourite experiences of all time. I’m so sorry that you’re in the thick of it right now, you brave clever funny kind comrade-de-internet (which reminds me: WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!). Sending you strength, and resilience, and more of that tofu/quinoa/leaf business.

    • KO March 17, 2012 / 11:26 am

      Thanks so much. And yeah, what WAS he thinking? Clearly he wasn’t!

  7. Clarabella March 17, 2012 / 12:35 pm

    I believe you know I subscribe to the church of Ani. I highly suggest “Dilate” on as high a volume as you can stand.
    Ugh to the W situation, but I will say this, you are now free to move on to bigger and better things, sister. He did and does not deserve you. At all.
    Also, that meal looks fucking delicious, and I would like to eat it all up in my mouth while drinking tha wine and blaring tha Ani D. Let’s have an angry party. I’m pretty sure I know a third lady that would LOVE to join us.
    Anyway, you should come up & see me sometime, if we ever get back to MS.

    • KO March 18, 2012 / 9:41 am

      Yes, ladies’ party with Ani and good food. This would be AWESOME. Onward to better things.

  8. Rose-Anne March 17, 2012 / 1:35 pm

    Oh my god, NO! I am so sorry to hear this. It sucks all around. Why is honesty so hard for some people?

    Do I have an invitation to this party? I will bring vegan cookies and more wine. It sounds like we are going to need a lot of wine. It’s funny, Kate–whenever I have relationship trouble, I have the same instinct as you, which is to treat myself really well and take great comfort in that process. I do a lot of wallowing, yes, but I also refuse to turn into a wreck over a man or the end of a relationship. So I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from with your awesome dinner ๐Ÿ™‚ Take good care of yourself, my dear.

    • KO March 18, 2012 / 9:44 am

      You are most definitely invited to the party. Thanks. I am trying to just take good care of myself in the hopes that good health will make me feel better all over. I think it’s helping.

  9. carrie March 17, 2012 / 2:30 pm

    So sorry to hear this… :o(

    • KO March 18, 2012 / 9:44 am

      Thanks.

  10. Kerri Anne March 19, 2012 / 6:23 pm

    I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am, and how much of an idiot he is (stating the obvious there, obviously), and how very brave and beautiful and STRONG you are. And should you ever need reminding, I’m only an email away.

    Big hugs, and quinoa 4-eva.

    • KO March 19, 2012 / 6:55 pm

      Aw, thanks so much. The kind words are really good to hear.

  11. Chrissy (The New Me) March 20, 2012 / 9:38 am

    I have kept this post open just so I could come here when I had the time to write a proper OH NO HE DIDN’T comment.

    OH NO HE DIDN’T.

    Seriously. Cheaters are just the worst. I am sorry he disappointed you so, but glad you found out sooner rather than later. And cheers to Ani – she got me through my biggest heartbreaks, so I know you’re in good hands. xo!

    • KO March 20, 2012 / 10:03 am

      I know! What the HELL, amirite?! I honestly don’t understand someone who cheats, for months, in an ongoing affair, and doesn’t just break up with the girlfriend. It’s not like we are married, have kids, or live together. Why bother with the secret double life? Sorry. Venting current frustrations. ANYWAY, Ani. Yes.

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