Case of the Secret Sweaty Balls

In college, one of my favorite professors once commended me on having a “strong, masculine prose style.”  Go ahead, take a moment to unfasten all of the weird cultural assumptions underpinning that statement — I’ll wait.

Now, whether or not you have an English Grammar professor on hand to evaluate the relative femininity or masculinity of your prose, you can still find out if you write like a girl:

Yes, thank dog, the internet has everything! Here are the results of their analysis of this very blog:

Judges’ scores are in. Clearly I do have a strong masculine prose style! So strong, in fact, that they are 95% certain I am a dude.  That is even more sure than they were the first time I tried their site, back when Blandwagon posted about it a few days ago.  Then they were only 87% sure they knew how it was hanging.

I’m just dying to know what it is that makes them so confident that I am secretly in possession of a big, hairy nut sac.  Is it the active verbs? The cussing? My love of pants? My love of whiskey?  “We have strong indicators,” they claim, but what are those indicators?  They will not say.  Maybe they have just been talking to my old grammar prof.

Case Status: Manly

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5 thoughts on “Case of the Secret Sweaty Balls

  1. Kristen November 22, 2008 / 8:59 pm

    Mine is almost completely gender neutral — 51% female (correct, btw). Makes sense, since I like sports and I can eat like just about any guy, but I prefer wine to beer and could watch HGTV 24/7 (with an occasional intermission of TLC, but not the gross shit, only the fun stuff), and maybe some Travel Channel in there. I work out a bunch, but honestly, it’s mostly to try to not be fat. I would probably have the same findings, except in person, I am SUCH a chick, what with the makeup and hair and shoes and whatnot.

  2. John November 23, 2008 / 3:10 am

    Ha! I so knew you were a dude!

    Love of pants: check!
    Love of whiskey: check!
    Masculine prose: check!
    Ample cussing: check!
    Desire to be detective: check!
    Professed love of Tool: check!

    Your dudeness factor is quite high, man.

  3. Alfina the Vague November 23, 2008 / 12:08 pm

    Hmm. I think I am going to have to do a Girl Post really soon over here, just to preserve my femininity. It will be all cats and Tori Amos and lipglosses.

  4. Ruby November 23, 2008 / 11:15 pm

    Did you click the button to let them know they got it wrong?

  5. Alfina the Vague November 24, 2008 / 8:13 pm

    R- yeah, I let them know all right! (But they still gave me the same results when I re-tried it…I don’t think the program is smart enough to learn from its mistakes.)

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