Okay, so, I had a whole post in mind about Cylons and their beauty routines, kind of a TV Reviews for Ladies kind of thing, but then the last five minutes of tonight’s episode of Battlestar Galactica completely rocked my world, blew my mind, and shook my face all off and shit. So I shall continue with my Important Questions About Cylons, but I may digress a little bit. Don’t worry, there will be NO SPOILERS AHEAD! If you have any basic concept of the show, you’re safe.
So! One of the iconic images of Battlestar Galactica is the Cylon Number Six, ably (and hotly) played by Tricia Helfer. She, as a Cylon, has “many copies,” and when she gets killed, she is reincarnated in the creepy Cylon Bathtub of Mystery. This is all well and good, and is a part of the show that we all accept as the mythology. La la la, etc. But!
The main Number Six, aka Caprica, plays a crucial part in the pilot (and thus the set up for the whole show), and is a key figure in the imagination (?) of one Gaius Baltar. She always looks pretty much like this, all platinum blonde and scantily clad:
The hair, of course, is a cunning bit of artifice from the kind people of L’Oreal — because she’s worth it! The normal Tricia Helfer looks decidedly less platinum bottle blonde and more natural. Still hot, of course:
[Incidentally, it is really hard to find a picture of Helfer in her normal hair, wearing clothes — especially as Six, but even as her own self. All the pictures of her tend to be either Platinum-Blonde Six or her own self in a super-suggestive, men’s-magazine type pose. EW.]
Generally, though, I was accepting of the fact that her many copies of her Cylon body were all platinum blonde-ified, even though there have always been other copies of Number Six who were sporting Helfer’s natural, medium blonde shade of hair. In last week’s episode, though, the newest Number Six iteration was revealed. She’s apparently (according to TWOP, but I don’t remember this being revealed in the show itself) called Natalie, and she has an important part to play in the Cylon society, related to the status of the Raiders and Centurions. [According to some sources these are called Centaurions? Could that be true? I call them Centurions, and I am used to being right, so whatever.]
Here is a picture of her from last week’s episode, “Six of One”:
Not so much with the platinum blonde, see? It was in looking at her that I began to wonder about Cylon Hair Care, a Crucial Issue. And here is my problem: The Cylons are an army of, basically, clones. All of the copies of each model look alike, and when each one dies and is re-embodied, he/she is given an exact copy of the original body. Right? I mean, is that right? Because they do not seem to carry over the acquired characteristics from one incarnation to the next. Boomer, for example, a Number Eight, shoots herself in the face, but when she later dies and is re-embodied [question: am I remembering this right?], she doesn’t have a gaping wound, or even a scar, on her face. She is all fresh and new.
This brings up the question: how does Caprica Six retain her platinum-blonde hair, clearly an artificial, acquired characteristic, when she dies and is re-embodied? We have seen this when she emerges from the Bathtub of Mystery, she has her platinum-blonde hair. It is not as if she scampers off to the Resurrection Ship branch of Walgreens for a bottle of L’Oreal’s “Whispersoft Blonde.” She just has it, like magic! Like the Cylon’s God gives it to her — but only to her particular version of that model! Is it like cars, where each model comes in different color schemes? And if so, why do none of the other models have versions with different hair colors, facial hair, etc.?
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT QUESTION! Because, see, if I could get God to take care of my fashion and beauty concerns for me, with no effort (and no trips to the local Resurrection Ship Walgreen’s), I might consider converting!
Do you have any thoughts on this crucial mystery? Please to tell me.
So! About this week’s episode:
This episode was one of those that reminds me (as needs to happen, occasionally), that this show owns a little piece of my soul. I mean, damn! The last five minutes had me constantly wavering between “Oh, SHIT, that’s going to happen?!” to “Oh, no okay, THAT’S going to happen!” to “OH NO, MOTHERFUCKING SHIT THAT IS WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, OMFG!1!!!11!!”
Also: GAHHH! and NOOO! And so forth.
MAN THIS SHOW!