Guilty Pleasure Confessions: Shows That Make Bitches Cry

While in most of my life, I am a steely-eyed, iron-hearted machine, I do occasionally love a good bit of weep-inducing entertainment. I am not picky about the quality of this stuff, oh no; practically anything will do.

There was an era of Hallmark commercials in the mid-to-late 1990s that would get me all misty every time. Remember the one where the family thinks their grown-up son won’t be home for Christmas, but he surprises them all, sneaking into the house during a family Christmas-caroling session and joining in on the chorus of “O, Holy Night”? Or the one where the old lady across the street is all lonely, but the nice young lady brings her a heart-warming card that makes her forget all about how her husband is dead, her kids left home and don’t call, and she can barely make ends meet with her meager Social Security check? All because of the Hallmark card? That one?

Yeah, so, it doesn’t take much. Last night I got all teary eyed over the finale of The Biggest Loser: Couples. Just seeing how all those really, really fat people struggled so hard, with the running and the weight lifting and the endless plates of chicken breast and steamed broccoli, oh woe, it makes me feel all sniffly.

See how fat they all were?

And then they go and get all thin, see, like so:

There is the emotionally evocative music, and the bursting through life-sized photos of their old selves, and the re-affirming of their commitments not to die of fatness before their kids grow up, and oh, man, it just gets a person to feelin’ misty. I must be about to have my Special Ladies’ Time or something.

Anyway, for other examples of this genre, please see also:

  • Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, where poor people whose lives are all a-shambles are given new fabulous houses with glorious furnishings and walk-in closets and swimming pools, oh my!
  • What Not to Wear, where shabby dressers are brought to New York where they get fashion advice from the fly Clinton and Stacy and get a $5,000 budget for a new wardrobe.
  • There are even some non-reality shows that will fit the bill, such as Men in Trees, which has the additional benefit of starring James Tupper as the ruggedly-handsome-in-cable-knit Jack, a favorite TVBF of mine.
  • Of course, there are also all of the animal rescue shows on Animal Planet, where sick, abused, neglected, or otherwise endangered pets are rescued and (hopefully) given new homes. Oh, man, though, are those shows brutal! Bitches, do not watch these unless you want to start dripping snot all over those nice throw pillows you just bought from IKEA. Er, not that this has happened to me, just hypothetically speaking, see.

And on that note, I am off for some wine, chocolate, and kleenex.

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2 thoughts on “Guilty Pleasure Confessions: Shows That Make Bitches Cry

  1. melanie April 18, 2008 / 12:22 pm

    oh my lord, i TOTALLY remember the hallmark commercials! basically, anything is made more sentimental by including one of the following elements: christmas, old people, children, or puppies. so you see the potential for the deadly quadruple threat. i enjoy the occasional episode of “the biggest loser,” but only when dave is out of the house. it always makes me hungry, in much the same way that those annoying *truth* ads used to make me want a cigarette. you are not the boss of me, television!

  2. Alfina the Vague April 18, 2008 / 1:36 pm

    Oh, the anti-smoking ads always make me want to smoke too! I remember one in particular that starred the guy who played Jack on Will and Grace. That one always made me want to both smoke a cigarette and smack him. Biggest Loser, though, mainly makes me want to work out. Not that I do, but I think about it anyway!

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